Oh my, that google bomb actually worked!!!

So um, I just thought… because how I just went looking on here for my list of anti-trackery websites just now…

And no-one probably remembers this now, including me, but ages ago, like a year and a half ago, for no particular reason I put the words “midget elephant gerbil porn” into a post just to see if I could get it to show up on google.

And, um, apparently it did!

LIke the top result, at least for me, is now me!  Ha!

I really am quite proud.  Like, humbled, and flattered, and oh you, the internet, is so, so very kind.

Um, now everyone go click that over and over and really confuse everything!

Squee!

So I Wrote a Privacy Policy…

So I started fiddling with a visitors stats-collector thingy, and then thought I’d better say I was, and that it was on here, in case any of you mind terribly.  Which then kind of turned into a privacy policy.  Which is sort of silly, but sort of not.  Like all of the usual ranty about ad-blockers and stuff.

Because use ad-blockers!  And anti-trackers!  And all the rest.  Because, um true story thingy, I only found out Wattpad has ads on it after a year and a half writing there.  Um, seriously.  And that was only because I kind of wondered how they were making money and asked google and it said through advertising and I went oh yeah, right.  And so they are.

So anyways.  Like with the trackers and cookies and privacy here, basically, wordpress always counted pageviews and stuff, which you all knew, I hope.  But now I got another one, from another company, who are counting the same stuff the same way but more carefully, basically.

So if anyone strongly objects, please do say and I can rethink this.  Like I can turn the tracking cookie off at the least.

But remember how I’m probably more paranoid than all of you, so I’m really doing this basically assuming wordpress is already hoping to one day horribly misuse all its visitor data from everywhere, and I can’t stop them, so I might as well have my own data too.

Um, seriously.

And you should all assume that too!

New BxG Story: Older Men

And also one for the, um… not-wattpad list…  so boys, basically.

Or, well… men.

Um, kind of older men…

Obviously.  From the title.

So I don’t really know why, except why not?  And maybe because rewatching old Sex and the City episodes, because all Big and Samantha’s hotel boss and all the suits and smugness and sophistication…  so all of that!

But anyways, its here!

And Two More Stories, both Wattpad-Safe :)

So it seems like it had been ages since there were actual new short stores, because yes the other thing, and novels, and whatever, so anyways, here are two more!

Emily and Megan hook up in a hotel gym,

and Caitlin and Alyssa do kinky with candle wax.

And yep, I keep thinking about sweatiness at the moment, and nope, I don’t know why.  Oh well.

And um, the second one is a bit bdsmy, but not horribly so.  As in, probably okay if you only read here and not the other.  So just candle wax, basically.

So there you go!

New Story (um, finally): Catch Me If You Can

So this was a thing I started ages ago, and then forgot.  Basically, after someone said nicely how Evie’s Job didn’t actually have anything much about Sydney in it, which is true for reasons, so um, this!  A scenic tour of part of Sydney in words, or something!  Which is finally now it is finished.

And here!

And yep they are Tamsin and Matilda because those are the most Australiany names I could think of quickly.  So ha!

Although, actually, thinking about that…  maybe I should do a story about Lachlan Macquarie and Matilda Cumberland-Woolloomooloo and the entire rest of the world will basically go what the fuck, are those real names, they can’t possibly be, and the Australians who read it won’t even notice.  Ha again!

And yep, I had to check how to spell Woolloomooloo because I am that shitty a speller with too many Ls and Os, and yes I can never remember its the last one that only has one L, but also, I don’t visit multi-million-dollar apartments so much that I need to memorize how to spell it to type it into GPS-es so it doesn’t really matter!

And also, what I took out of the story because I couldn’t make the joke actually funny is that where they end up, they’re basically almost looking at Finger Wharf.  So, um, yes.  It really is called that, oh my.  I guess old-timey people were either way dirtier or way more innocent than us, or something.

Anyways, the story is here.

Literotica

So I put some stuff on literotica, really just to see.  Mostly because someone else on another blog said about it and I remembered!  And yep, I should have ages ago, but its just that their sign-up page the first time I looked anxietied me a bit because its kind of nosey.  Yes, like about the obvious things which I’m a little uncomfortable answering.  Because labels.  Because too specific.

So anyways.  I looked again and realized oh wait, actually, those aren’t required questions.  So maybe I should.

And then, because I was thinking that, I did!

So stories are here.

But just to say, these are all old!  Like, older stuff that is already on here, or is free ebooks on Smashwords.  So please don’t get excited!  It’s just to have things up in different places is all.  So there’s no real reason to go running off there, and this is mostly just saying in case anyone is on there, and suddenly sees it, so you know that it isn’t new stuff.  And also, basically, what is on there is a bit disorganised at the moment, so a mix of stuff from here and the other one, and shorter and longer, because I’ve no real idea what people like to read there.  Although it seems kind of way kinkier than I usually am, so it probably doesn’t matter! But mostly just kind of randomly chosen.  And at the moment comments and anonymous talking to me and everything is off, because, um…  well… its me…  But votes are on, because ego.  But I might maybe turn off the voting if that gets weird.  Maybe.

So anyways, that’s all. Just to say.

And yes, this was kind of a weird post.  Like, hi this is an announcement that there’s nothing to announce.  That, basically.

But also, if you just got here from literotica, um, hi and thank you and welcome!  Because it seems like some of you are turning up!  So that’s really kind, and thank you, and just to say clearly, because everything here is completely disorganized because reasons, um, gxg is here, bxg is here, and confessional-bdsm-whatever is here.

And thank you to the people who are looking!

Here, have a free book, like a real one. Yes, this is a coupon.

Um, seriously, I’m bored and its sunday and you all just read ads, so why not!

This is a coupon.  For Debt Collectors War.  For Smashwords.

It has to be from Smashwords and it has to be for Debt Collectors War.  And it’s not my fault it it doesn’t work!  But it should.  And its only for a day, until midnight tomorrow night, California time, so 29 December 2014.

But if you would like to try some SF I wrote, then um, go here.  And put it in the checkout.  And then make an account or something, I suppose, if you haven’t before?  I’m not actually sure.

Anyways, get to the checkout, and then put in this code:

XW29C

And Debt Collector’s War should be free.   Until 29 December 2014.  Which is tomorrow night.  But not after that!

So there you go!

So mostly this is because you’re all sweet, and read this website, and listen to me go on, and it’s hard to say thank you properly, so here, have this!  Which is kind of self-serving, but still a thank you!  And also because how the Amazon people were just getting told there’s stuff for them, so now other people can have stuff too!  And also because I never do this kind of promotey because the feeling dirty, but really, I should!  And I’m vaguely curious, too, because I think most of you are smut and romance people and probably won’t care!  Ha!

Anyways, that’s all :)

Oh, and also, Islands is Now a Serial

Sorry I forgot on the last one…  um, while there’s announcements or whatever going on, Islands is back into separate bits and in Kindle Unlimited too.

And also, hi if you read SFF and find this later by googley!  Um, there’s a page here explaining, or if you don’t want to see the smut!

So anyways, I was thinking about this, and I think I’m going to go back to doing Islands as a serial, so 10K to 20K short pieces, and calling them episodes, and putting them out that way.  As in, saying Episodes and Seasons just to no-one gets confused.  Because it makes sense to me, so obviously it will to everyone else!  Ha!

So Season 1 will be what’s written already, and is on Amazon now.  So there are four episodes in season 1, which are basically the original shorts that went up on Smashwords.  And the plan at the moment is there will be more next year, and also, nothing changes, like with putting them on Wattpad daily and then making ebooks later.

And yep, doing this is partly some marketing outreach KU hoping-for-an-audience thing, but it’s actually mostly just because I think I liked the story and structure and everything better that way.  So artistic integtrity!  Like the smaller bits, and also potential for it actually eventually being this million-word epic thing that kind keeps going forever, like a 10-volume fantasy series, but without the tiresome need to stop at page 500 and start a new book every so often.

Because I do kind of like how ebooks make that possible.  Like a series not limited by paper and printing needs and everything.

So anyways, if you are in KU and would like to look, they’re here –

Episode 1: Dirt
Episode 2: Weddings
Episode 3: Trade
Episode 4: Birds

And also, Season 1, um, which is basically Islands the original book, is here.  Also in KU.

That’s all!   Sorry to keep advertising at you!

Organizey: Some Short Stories Are Now in Kindle Unlimited. Also, Marketing!

Um, this is really just to say and explain… or warn, maybe, if you disapprove!

So I did some marketing.  As in, paid-for ads.  Which is kind of rare for me!  But because of the ongoing secret desire to be a SFF writer, um, why not?  So I did some marketing, and it didn’t especially work.  I don’t think, anyways.  But oh well, never mind.  And I might say more later about that, but I’m not sure its really fair to the advertising places to go saying implied rude stuff about them when it’s probably my fault because blurbs or whatever, rather than theirs.

So I won’t.

And actually, also, for weird reasons that don’t especially matter right now, I do actually know that advertising needs to be done in campaigns and with repeat buys and layering and all that stuff, except they probably call it something else now, but anyways, so I completely expected this not to do especially well when it was just random one-offs.  And also, yes, I know what a call to action is too, I just don’t about writing stuff because it makes me feel dirty.  Seriously.  So this was all mostly just trying to prod the SFF stuff along a little bit, in a disorganized kind of way, since methinks no-one who reads SFF and doesn’t also read smutty romancey stuff knows who I am.  Which may be a potential problem with the idea being a SFF writer!  Ha!

Continue reading

Christmas Story!

Um, I maybe did something bad.  Really bad.  Like, wrote something bad, I mean.  This is possibly not a good thing to have done.

But over on the other one, there is a Christmas-themed story.

Which is, um, fairly mild for there.  Which is why I’m saying about it here.

As in, there’s some non-consensual spanking.  But that’s really all.

Except the part about how it’s a Christmas-themed smut story called Naughty or Nice.  And that in itself might be distressing…

The start…

—–

For no particular reason except that I’m bored, I decide to do something I haven’t done in ages. I stay up to wait for Santa.

I hang up a stocking in a room with a fireplace, and then sit in a big soft chair with a rug over me and wait.  After a while, I go to sleep.  The room is quiet, and there is no traffic outside, and so I eventually doze off.  Which is fine.  This is more about nice old memories than actually expecting anything to happen, anyway.

Except that hours later, I wake, and realize there is someone else in the room.

A man in a red suit is standing beside the fireplace.

“Fuck,” I say, and jump.

He says, “Fuck,” too.

“Who are you?” I say.

He looks down at his red suit, and at his beard, and at his sack.  And then glances at his tablet which seems to have a list of deliveries on the screen.  I get it.  I mean, he isn’t the shape I’d always thought Santa was.  He’s more, well, cut and rippling.  But other than that, red suit, long beard, silly hat.  I’m pretty sure I know who he is. 

Keep Reading —>

—–

Oh, and look at this before you look at much more over there, if you haven’t yet.  And also, be safe and have good holidays and thank you for reading stuff this year!

Update: And on Smashwords too, just because :)