So I also do Dark Fantasy and maybe SF

So owning up time and shit.  I write a little fantasy sometimes, now and then.  Or Dark Fantasy with death and mayhem and weird shit SF-Fantasy crossover something.  If anyone is interested there’s more about it here.

So this is the now for something completely different post.

So I write fantasy as Trevelyan Cooper, and isn’t that the most fucking magnificent pen name ever?

I’d have used Trevelyan Cooper for a romance hero dude, except how it’s way too over the top.  Except maybe for a regency pirate who became a rake who became a vampire and is therefore still around to be an S&M billionaire, and it would still be the fake name he uses to meet innocent young women on the internet, and not his real name which is Bob Smith.

Anyway.  This shit is quite dark, and it was what I thought I was going to be a writer in, but I don’t think so any more.  So if fantasy’s your thing, they’re free around the place.  Links.

There’s a couple more stories – because I have to do a spaceship one to complete the set – and like two epic unfinished novels of unspeakable genius I pull out and work on sometimes that might get finished one day too, but that’s going nowhere fast.

And, um, if we could all try not to get turned on by the S&M in Prince of Fey, that’s be fucking great.  I’m not sure I’m not doing something awful here, but it’s meant to be bad in that one, okay?  We’re all clear on good whipping vs bad whipping, right?

Concentrate on the fucking love story, between Aluese and Dilee, not how Ribeag is a demented little Tinkerbell sadist.

Imperiata is something I’ve been writing for fucking years, but never quite get there.  It’s meant to be sweep of empires shit with a Machiavellian realpolitik view of fantasy, so everyone is self-serving, no-one is noble, and terrible acts of political cynicism prevail.  Basically anti-Tolkien. One day, maybe, I’ll be up to turning it into a novel, but not now.  It’s way bigger than I’m able to write at the moment, so I used a few parts to make this story because of that.

Mote in a Tide of Darkness is like one of those SF explanations of religion deals, with fucking time travel, and with kind of angels time travelling, and no-one knows what’s going on.  And don’t get too excited, because I don’t know what the fuck’s going on either, so you don’t get much of an explanation.  There’s a second story, which needs editing, and continues it, but lets face it, that might not happen for a while.

And if you’re a regular reader here, and you want a laugh, look at this.  That’s like a whole fucking page without me saying fuck once.  Or fucking anything.

I can do it, see?  I just don’t fucking want to.

And yeah, I did have to read over that fucking twice to make sure.  This just happens without me meaning too.

Um, so yeah.  While I’m pouring my shit out here for you all, and since people keep coming to look, have some more.

25 thoughts on “So I also do Dark Fantasy and maybe SF

  1. Heh, I can’t work out if that’s comic timing or you really did just do double-take. We need a smiley for spitting a mouthful of water everywhere.

    Um, and what, you didn’t realise? This why I’m all, this blog is about smut. Like fucking really. It’s called ‘I’m Tess, I write smut’.

    And dude, I’m looking at your blog and you’re talking about people in Ancient Greece looking at marble statues and jerking off in public. Like seriously. You’re pretty funny too.

    Um, opps. That might get you the wrong kind of interest, going from here to there. Sorry :)

    Thank you for the praise and shit, and don’t worry if you won’t be my friend after all because I write dirty stuff. That was really funny anyway and made my day.

    • Oh heh yeah I read the top after reading the post but I didn’t think you were being completely serious. I mean, you talk about Machiavellia and realpolitik and then I’m like ‘ok she’s being witty’ and then i read a post and i was like ‘woah, nope, she’s 100% serious’.
      And it’s ok that you write smut, don’t worry i was joking around more than anything. It was comic timing, not prude shock. ‘Sides, you seem very smart, so I can’t imagine it being like, SMUT. There are plots and real character development stuff too, right? R-right?
      And yeah, after writing about Diogenes I prooooobaby shouldn’t talk. I have a friend who writes smut too already. So is everything good? I don’t want to have offended you you seem so smart!! *pleads for a second chance.

      • Dude, I am really fucking smart.

        I write smut with probability theory in it.

        Heh.

        And once I’d decided on my mother never seeing this, like ever, then fuck it, everything kind of went really downhill from there.

        Offended? Shit no. I pretty figured you were being funny, so I’d do it back, since if you were actually offended you’d have been all ‘whore witch, I’ll burn you’. And sorry back too, if I seemed like too much of a smartass, but I love the marble statue thing. Like really, when you think about it, how could it not be porn in a world without the internets. I’ve had this mental picture since then of people standing in front of statues in the agora with their hands in their toga pockets, looking around all sifty.

        And yep, there’s character development and shit. Um. Sometimes. One Plus Two is really just a weird romance novel with, um, a few blowjobs. Some of the others, not so much.

        Second chance given. I am nothing if not fucking gracious. And you’re my second commenter ever, so how the fuck can I not?

        But you know you shouldn’t really ever say “some of my best friends do/are…” right? Like now you’ll have that friend all over your ass for being down on smut.

        Hey, can I make this a post? Since no-one reads comments. This shit is actually quite funny.

      • And yes, before anyone else joins in, I know togas and agoras are fucking anachronistic, and I imagine toga’s didn’t have pockets.

        But seriously. Public wanking looking at statues. How is that not brilliant.

  2. Yeah I figured you were smart, and now I have confirmation! Yaaaay!
    And probability theory smut? Really? I honestly do not even know how that is possible. The best thing I can think of is some guy going ‘hey babe, there’s a one in three probability of you sleeping with me tonight’. Not yet sure where the theory part would fit in.
    And no way do I think you’re a smartass. I love witty banter (sadly I do not know anyone that witty). But… why did you have to talk about the people in the agora? It’s not a bad thing, I’m just dying right now. I’m dying of laughter just… just imagining their eyes looking all shifty…
    ‘Hey man, check out the granite on that one.’
    ‘Hot damn! That ass-bestos!’
    And yay! I have a second chance! I’ve only been blogging for two weeks or so and this is the first real conversation I’ve had. I mean, there are a few that went on for a while, but this one is AWESOME AND FULL OF THE WORD FUCK!
    Too much caps lock?
    And I’m only the second commenter? *Gasp. These people do you injustice. I am appalled. Oh, and yeah I normally wouldn’t have said anything about my friend, but she has a blog where she posts her stories, so it’s not like her secret shame or anything. But yeah, I would definitely ask her if I ever referenced her in a serious, or personal way.
    And of course you can make this a post. All must know of the Greeks and their statue porn! :D

    • Dude, I was just on yours. This is turning into a love-in circle-jerk.

      You say bat-shit insane too. Like, fuck, how cool’s that?

      Statues I was thinking more like flashers, so everyone standing around not making eye contact checking out the new Aphrodite they just put outside the temple. While the priestesses kind of look out from behind pillars, and sigh, and hope the crowd’ll clear off soon.

      And yes. Everyone should do history with the word fuck in it. A fucking lot.

      Like this –

      In 1066 Wiliam the Fucking Conquerer invaded England, and everyone was basically fucked. Because he had a big fuck-ass cavalry army that beat the shit out of everyone. Then he died, and there was a civil fucking war, and then Richard the Fucking Lionheart came along. Then there were some crusades, which were a total fucking smack-down for the Arabs, until Sala-fucking-Din turned up and smacked the Crusaders back.

      And so on. Isn’t that more interesting?

      I should so be a history teacher.

      And really. Medieval soldier-king, of course he called himself Will the Fucking Conquerer. Like Alexander probably called himself Alexander the Fucking Great. In Greek, obviously. Especially if he was a meglomaniac.

      And I assume no-one comments here because the actual readers of my actual books may not want people to know they read them. Which is actually fine, because I might not want to know who is. Like seriously, I’m actually still a bit weirded out I do this.

      So I wrote most of this before I went over to your blog. On the comment you just made on yours, dude, just don’t. Like swearing at you is fine, but don’t go reading shit until you’re 18. Or don’t fucking tell me if you are. I really don’t want to know. But the probability smut was playing poker with a mathematician, actually, but because you’re never going to fucking read it, you won’t know. Or not for two years.

      So I’ll put it up here so you can look. The relevant bit’s clean, except for swearing.

      Fuck, this is a bit of a reflection on my maturity, isn’t it?

      • Yeah I saw that! We’re going round and round and round…
        I like that word, bat-shit. It’s a good word to describe crazy people. ‘Mad’ and ‘maniacal’ are all well, but batshit. It shows just how fucking nuts they really are.
        Yes, I have to agree with you on the sculpture thing. Of course, people had private sculptures commissioned back then. I assume there were cases of mothers looking under kids’ beds and finding a small stash of nude figurines.
        And your history lesson is amazing. Best history lesson I’ve ever had, there. Yeah, it makes sense that nobody comments. Hell, I only commented ‘cos it was a science-fiction post, I didn’t fully know what the blog was about, and I enjoyed reading the words of someone who uses ‘fuck’ ever line or two.
        And don’t worry then, I won’t bother with it. I shan’t read your works if you do not want me to, don’t worry. *Salutes. My eyes shall stay averted.

      • Nah, that’s cool dude. I just don’t really know it’s the best idea, for me to be encouraging you to read shit. I’m sure it’s pretty fucking obivous why.

        And I really don’t mean to make a big deal about the age thing. Like, I wouldn’t, except for what I write, because its really not obvious.

        So don’t like fuck off or anything, just if we don’t talk about the other shit any more, yeah? Stick to history?

        Shit, now I feel like a fucking adult or something.

      • Yeah, I get what you’re saying. Don’t worry, I mean, it doesn’t matter whether or not I read it and yeah, if you feel that your writings’ contents are too mature than I get that. There’s nothing wrong with that at all.
        Yeah, I won’t leave, unless you’d want me to. Sticking to history is perfectly fine.
        AND NO DON’T FEEL LIKE AN ADULT. WHAT HAVE I DONEEEEE!

      • Yeah, I know, sucks to be me. I try and avoid it. And fuck that was awkward, but all done now.

        So Ghenghis Khan. Know about that dude? Know what a Khwarazmian Empire is? Probably not, because it used to be next door to the Mongols. Now, not so much. Wikipedia: “In 1218, Genghis Khan sent a trade mission to the [Khwarazmian Empire], but at the town of Otrar the governor, suspecting the Khan’s ambassadors to be spies, confiscated their goods and executed them. Genghis Khan demanded reparations, which the Shah refused to pay. Genghis retaliated with a force of 200,000 men, launching a multi-pronged invasion. The Shah fled and died some weeks later on an island in the Caspian Sea.”

        I think that’s about the funniest page on wikipedia, actually.

        I mean, fuck. That’s a total sucks-to-be-that-ruler one. Some dipshit governor executes some merchants. Ghenghis turns up with 200 fucking thousand men and you die on a fucking island somewhere, hiding.

        Can you imagine waking up one morning, open the curtains, look out palace at 200 000 mongol horsemen.

        Stand there for a minute.

        Then say, “Okay, who didn’t fucking tell me some really fucking important detail I needed to know.”

        Ouch.

  3. Oh god he HATED that poor empire. He sacked and pillaged that place until there was nothing left to pillage, and then he razed what was left to the ground. I feel so bad for that sultan guy too. Just cause the governor was a prick he decided to conquer the country? So cruel. Genghis, you monster.
    The Mongols were pretty much assholes throughout their entire reign. They decreased the world’s population by like, a third, just from killing shit. So my favorite thing to read is when they tried to invade Vietnam. The Vietnamese were like ‘don’t you fucking dare’ and beat them THREE FUCKING TIMES IN A ROW. Even America didn’t lose three times.
    Like the worst part is that the ruler of Vietnam LET the Mongols sack his capital, cause he knew that it would infuriate the entire country and give him this giant army of loyal peasants who wanted revenge. And then he soundly destroyed the Mongol armies in every engagement and pissed off Kublai Khan so much that the guy exiled the general in charge of the invasions.
    At the end of the third war Vietnam capitulated, but they just did it because they were tired of war. They were all: ‘Eh, fuck this, we’ve killed enough Mongols as it is. You want our tribute, FINE, have our fucking tribute. We’re sick and tired of having to wade through your bodies to get to work.’

    • That’s really fucking funny. And educational too! Shit!

      And the Vietnamese? So beat the Japanese in World War 2. Beat the French. Beat the US. Beat the Chinese, because after they finished with the Japanese/French/US some fucking genius in China thought it was a good idea to have another go at Vietnam. Which didn’t work out so well.

      Like seriously, worst place to invade ever.

      So they’ve won wars against three of five UN security council permanent members. And don’t get a seat themselves.

      And then Vietnam invades fucking Cambodia because the whole Khmer Rouge thing is getting out of hand.

      And the rest of this is now up, a bit edited, by the way, if you’d like to move things there?

      https://tessmackenzie.wordpress.com/2013/03/13/so-avery-is-funny/

      Or if you want to cut and paste the whole lot onto yours, that’s cool too. We could go there.

      • Vietnam kicks ass. They’re still communist too, so, in your face ‘murica! I know more about war-history than is good for me, I think. I blame Wikipedia. I go on there to look up what a kimono is and end up reading about the Japanese Invasions of Korea. The ones in the 1500’s too, which NOBODY has heard about. Those are fucking great – remind me to tell you about them.
        Oh, and do you want me to cut and paste, or just use the link? It’s totally up to you – I usually post every two days so there’s no rush. Your whole post is so freaking awesome too! You did an amazing job showcasing our complete randomness. And how are we going to have continuity on these conversations? Just keep on posting back and forth here, or…
        I don’t know, I’m not very good at thinking of things on the fly. And I want this to continue dammit! This is the most fun I’ve had on the internet since that one time the GOOGLE symbol was a miniature pac-man game.
        Also, did you by chance read my Pick Up Lines For Historical Figures. it seems like something you’d like. :D

      • Dude, the Bathory one is just wrong. And Orwell is really fucking creepy. In a good way, but creepy. Here, for anyone reading.

        Now I’m trying to think of some.

        And organising shit – whichever’s best for you on cut and paste or linking. I’m not feeling, like, ownership on this or anything, if that’s what you meant? We both wrote it.

        For how to keep going, um, yeah. I see what you mean. This is kind of untidy.

        It’d be nice in theory if other people could see it. Like if one day someone else joined in. Or at least told us we were funny.

        And you might not want my, um, dry wit, all over your blog.

        So maybe a new blog, and just post shit backwards and forwards all untidy there, then collate it into a neat page and post it on this and your one at the same time? I can tidy it up every so often, like today, if you like. That’s no bother.

        And the dashboard thing looks like we can have two users at the same time on another blog.

        fuckitshistory and amazingfuckinghistory are both free at the moment.

        If you think excessive swearing might end up being a part of it.

        I also just worked out what followers are. Um. Fuck. Turns out I’m kind of rude. I’d better do something about that.

      • Heh, the Elizabeth Bathory one is my favorite. And the George Orwell one is so very creepy. I wanted to do one about Animal Farm, but wasn’t sure how to word it.

        Alright, in that case I’ll probably just cut and paste it. And it would be nice if someone else joined in. These conversations need even more swearing than there is already.

        Hmm, I completely agree with your idea for a new blog. It’s a good idea, a great idea, to have this random little forum thing to post back and forth on. The dashboard IS a little odd right now, so a new, separate blog would work great.

        I like amazingfuckinghistory better; fuckitshistory looks to me like fuck-shit-history. The letters are all close together and scrambled in my mind. And there is no ‘might’ about it. Excessive swearing would be, like, an integral part of such a blog.

        Fucking. Integral.

        You just worked out what followers are? Huh? What, did someone say something about your ‘rudeness’?

      • Done on amazingfuckinghistory. I’m just trying to work out how to add you as a user.

        Why the fuck did I write that when I wasn’t going to post until I had. Fuck. Anyway, you should have an invite thing. Just since this is like the public internet and some shit might try and grab it.

        But then I thought, how about something saying wikipedia?

        Like wikipedia-fucking-history? Just to be really fucking obvious.

        Depending what this turns into, but if we’re both looking there, then kind of commenting on it like smartasses. There could actually be a sort of theme in that. Wikipedia history with extra fucking swearing. Making it fucking fun. Something like that?

        Followers, um yeah. I don’t know, I’d been getting these emails and was just, what the fuck is that? And there’s nothing on the main dashboard. Then I noticed the thing down the bottom ont he stats page, and went, oh shit, I see.

        No-one said anything, I was just, shit, maybe I should be doing something about it.

      • Um. Just to clarify. For everyone else. I’m really fucking grateful to everyone who’s following me, I just didn’t know what it was.

        Like wordpress is a bit naggy sometimes with messages, and I also get messages from ebook stores when people buy things and google groups won’t fucking fuck off and stop pestering me, so I’d just kind of not looked to work it out.

        Yes, I hadn’t read them. That’s actually what I mean. Important admin emails from wordpress. My bad.

        And yes, I can turn off google, somehow, probably, I just haven’t done it yet. So I get, ‘hey here’s the three things you might like today’, and I’m like, ‘how the fuck do you know what I like you spooky stalker bememoth’. Fortunately it’s been wrong pretty much always, or I’d be more creeped out.

      • Okay I got your invite! I’m on amazingfuckinghistory, or wikipediafuckinghistory, or whatever we’re going to call it. And your description of the blog is pretty much acurate. I figure we’d just post various crap about history and then comment with eachother on it.

        Ahaha you didn’t see the followers thing until now? It’s ok, it’s ok. If you keep getting followers than people must LIKE the swearing.

        You probably don’t have to do anything. Why compromise your values for random people? If you don’t have a swearing outlet you’ll explode!!

      • Well fuck, I mean, I get like fifteen messages a day from wordpress and I don’t read them all. I only just worked out how to make it stop telling me there was a new comment from me every time I linked from one page to the other inside the blog.

        And cool on followers, I won’t. I wasn’t sure what I was meant to do. Say thank you?

        betterthanwikipedia instead of the other?

      • Yeah i got rid of everything except notifications for follows. All the other stuff I figured would just add up really quickly over time. I’d have already had a million emails fromthis conversation alone.

        Betterthanwikipedia is great! Greaaaaaat!

        You don’t have to do anything for your followers. Possibly check out their blog? I don’t know – that’s the best I can come up with.

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