More Real Life

So because this is turning into an actual blog, where I talk about shit other than there being a new story out, here goes some of that.

So I’m buying bread at the mall.

Huge fucking sideline about to start.  More domestic advice from Tess.

So if you think you might have a mild gluten allergy, or IBS, or one of those fucking suburban things I keep hearing about, could I suggest you have a problem with flour improvement chemicals and not flour itself.

Or at least, it may be worth checking.

So I don’t know about this shit, at all, and google doesn’t help, but the baker’s delight website is talking about E282, and some hippy website about something in the 900s.  Anyways.

Years ago, a bakery staff person told me, in her, like totally unbiased opinion, that she thought it was the flour improvers that go into supermarket bread that were the problem for a lot of people, not the gluten itself.

So I checked on myself – don’t ask – and yeah, I think that’s actually right.  Worked for me, anyways.

But if your doctor says you have an actual allergy, don’t be a fucktard, listen to them and not some random stranger like me off the internet.  But if you’re just self-diagnosing like I do then maybe this is worth thinking about.

So there you go, heath tips from Tess.  And I bet you never thought you’d get those when you came here.  Hey, that Tess, she  writes all this hot sexy smut stuff, so I’ll go to her website and read about, um, what, irritable bowel syndrome?

What the fuck?

So sorry, sideline over.

But if you’re new, and just got here off the internets because of this post, so, um, I’m actually a smut author and I actually write smut and talk about it here, and you probably need to know that before you look anywhere else.  Really.   And also, before you get all excited about food discussions, I also really don’t know shit about food and E-numbers.  Sorry.  So if you’re expecting more like this, you’re probably going to be disappointed.

And fuck it, lets plug the bakery.  It’s baker’s delight, if you’re in Australia.  Stores all over.  As far as I ever founds out, the other chains all do have the weird shit in, so I eat that.  Hey bakers delight.  You probably really don’t want to link here if you have a blog.

Okay, that was all really fucking odd.

Now the actual story.

So I’m buying bread, standing there paying, and the whole thing is a bit disorganised, because the non-manager staff are generally high school students, and everything tends to go to shit when it gets busy.

So me standing.  Staff person off down there with my money.

Dude next to be reaches over and gropes my bread.

And I’m like, what the fuck, did he just do that?  And don’t even actually go bat-shit because I’m too surprised.  There’s some dude I don’t know, just, like, feeling up my bread.  That I’m buying.  Right in front of me.

I actually would have been less surprised if he’d done it to me.

Really.  Social conventions and all that shit and how strong they are.  I had no idea what to do.

So he realises I’m staring, and does a what the fuck, and says he thought it was display bread, because to be fair they do leave bagged loaves along the counter.

And then I’m, ah, no, that isn’t more okay.  So now you’re saying you feel up my bread anyway, it’s just I don’t know about it?  Fuck.

So maybe I’m glaring or something, because gropey dude fucks off down the counter and starts trying to pretend I’m not there, and I ask if I can have another loaf please because that one just got molested.

No I don’t actually say molested.  I wish I had, and I thought of it five minutes later, and this is a blog, so I’m enhancing my otherwise dull life.

And yeah, all ends well.  It was just fucking odd.

So there you go.  More from my actual life.

And if this sounds familiar, hey dude, that probably was you, but I don’t normally shop there and I’m never going back so you still don’t know who I am.  Hah.