Reductionist Fantasy Novel

Eve was born on a farm but was quickly bored.  She met an old woman in the forest who gave her a sword and a quest.  The old woman wanted Eve to slay the Dark Lord.  Eve decided she would.  She fought her way to the Dark Lord’s tower, expecting it to be difficult.  It wasn’t.  She found a spare sword and a lot of money.  She rescued a handsome stranger and hoped he would be grateful enough to have sex with her.  He was handsome, and she was a farm girl, so she expected he wouldn’t, but he did.  She had to explain she was a warrior now and could only have oral sex so she didn’t get pregnant.  He didn’t seem to mind.  She liked him enough she proposed marriage, expecting him to refuse.  He accepted.  After that he followed her around, carrying her spare sword.  She reached the Dark Lord’s tower and fought her way up it, expecting this to take some time.  It didn’t.  She fought the Dark Lord and expected to die.  She didn’t.  She found an artifact of great power, and expected it to resist her removing it.  It didn’t.  She took the artifact, and the news of the Dark Lord’s death, to the old woman in the forest, expecting to be tricked in some kind of last minute surprise.  She wasn’t.

4 thoughts on “Reductionist Fantasy Novel

  1. Been reading Hero with a Thousand Faces? ;-)

    An acting teacher of mine once said, “Good marriages make bad theater.” Easy quests are the same, I guess. It’s funny — without the “She expected… /It didn’t” refrain, this would have been really boring. But because of that it was fun. Silly, but fun.

  2. > Been reading Hero with a Thousand Faces? ;-)

    Been reading the wikipedia pages, because I’m too lazy and short-attention span for actual serious books :)

    And also because I have a bad habit of reading the commentary on things like this first so I don’t get tricked by sneaky intellectuals who say awful things and make them seen reasonable.

    Sort of.

    > without the “She expected… /It didn’t” refrain

    And if its down the page, as separate paragraphs, it looks fucktarded too.

    I have no idea why.

    And also, hey and I’m glad your back. I’d kind of wondered if I’d said too much last time and offended or upset or something. Then I figured you probably just had other shit going on, and I shouldn’t be all hyper about it. So anyways, if I did say too much, I’m sorry. And otherwise, never mind and hey.

  3. D’oh! NONONO! I didn’t mean to disappear — I was on the road, and internet was extremely spotty. I’m still wading through a whole bunch of emails and such that dropped through the net.

    I’ll respond to the other thing… in the other place..

  4. Yay. And phew. And so yes, I was so, so being a dick. Fuck. Sorry. It’s just… meh, internet conversations and shit. Never mind, and anyways and sorry for that.

    And I should have just assumed its afk not the other. Like I say, hyper. Sorry.

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