Please Help If You Can

So it’s the middle of the night and I’m not asleep and so I might be overreacting.   Maybe.

But.

I seem to have picked up some kind of angry stalker.  I don’t know.

There’s a person who left a really shitty review of Strangers Come Inside the other day, as far as I can tell because she disapproves of unsafe sex and also of other people having kinks she doesn’t get.  So she’s just going to fucking show me.

So fine.  Whatever.

I guess that happens.  She hated the story, and that’s fine.

Except now she’s turned up and left another review for Sharing Melissa’s Mouth too, and that has me rattled a bit, because suddenly it seems like a pattern and not just one bad review.

Because I don’t get why you’d hate a story so much as to shit all over it, and then come back and read another just to shit all over it again.

That just seems really fucking horrible.

So I don’t know if this is her angry, or she’s a sock-puppet trying to get me, or she’s just a vicious, cruel, fucking hateful person who’s getting her thrills, but I’m kind of rattled by this.

I guess I’m struggling to understand why someone would pick out something that is obviously by a new writer, and obviously has no other reviews, and cut it to pieces, if it isn’t one of those things.

Maybe she just feels that strongly about unprotected sex.

So anyway.

I’m looking at it, and thinking, just, fuck.

The problem is, I’m really new to this.  I don’t have many Amazon reviews.  Like nine, and half of those are Erin.  So this one person had now left half the fucking reviews of everything else I have on Amazon, and she probably isn’t going away.  And Amazon is big.  Amazon is the thing you have to care about, apparently.  This is what all the advice people say.  Amazon is where you make it or not, and bad shit about you on Amazon means no-one will ever bother with you, is the thing.

So yeah.  Basically, very few reviews right now means basically I’m fucked.

So I’m just going to ask.

If anyone was going to leave a review on Amazon anyway, and just hasn’t quite done it yet, or if anyone has left one somewhere else and wouldn’t mind copying it over to Amazon too, I’d be really fucking grateful.

I’m be totally, unspeakably fucking grateful, and it would help a lot.

But only if you don’t mind.  And aren’t embarrassed.  And all the rest.

And I’m not saying write anything you wouldn’t anyway, or anything like that.  Just whatever you’d say anyway, but you saying it, not her.

And yeah, I’m sorry to just ask like this.  I’m just kind of hoping someone will see it and maybe help.  Just if you don’t mind.  And aren’t embarrassed to be seen in my company.

And it’s Melissa’s Mouth I was kind of wanting to save.  Because I’d been all pleased it had been doing okay, as a freebie.  And then this.  Because, yeah, Strangers Come Inside I might just take down anyway, because, fuck, if people react that badly then fuck it, there’s no point bothering.  Same with One Plus Two.  People on Amazon hate it, so fucking fine.  People other places liked it so it can be there instead.

So yeah.  This is basically incoherent, and I’m sorry for that.

And I’m sorry to ask too.  But if you could help, I’d really appreciate it.

Because I’m just worried where this is going if she’s got some kind of grudge now, and how badly she could fuck things up by being the only reviewer everywhere, and also it’s got me upset kind on a personal level because I’m really having trouble understanding why someone would just be so fucking horrible, and be all fucking mean and sarcastic and copy the blurbs back at me and shit.  That seems really weird.

Because yeah, this is just me, and I don’t get what the fuck else I’m meant to do other than be honest, and say who I am, and put myself out there, and she just doesn’t fucking care a fuck about that and is going to be awful anyway.  She’s just at me without a thought, and basically taking advantage of things being free to do it, which just seems worse.  Yay, I’m the free fun for the meanies.

So yeah.  I’m upset, and with insomnia, and I’m probably overreacting, and saying this here is probably completely the wrong thing to do, or the wrong way to react, or whatever, but I don’t know what else to do.

This is the first time anyone’s been just so mean since I started, and I don’t even really know why.

So yeah.  I can’t do reviews of myself, and I can’t do anything else about this, so I’m just hoping that if people were going to review anyway, and knew it mattered, and didn’t mind doing one, then having some other opinions on there too might help.

If all that makes sense.

So yeah.  Um, if you do, then just fucking thank you.

Just thank you.  This has knocked me around a bit and I don’t know where I’m at.

And if some people do, and I’m not all back here saying thank you right away, I’m sorry to be rude, but I’ll probably just go and hide for a couple of days.  Just take a couple of days away from all this to get my head around shit and decide how much I care.

Because this is just, like, fuck.

I get people are fucking awful and I need to harden up if I want to be a real writer.

I really get that.  I get there’s haters in the world, and there’s not a thing anyone else can do to protect you from that, once you go writing shit and putting it out there.

But just, fuck.

I’m not sure I can.  Or that I want to.

Because I’m not a real writer.  Not really.

I’m just doing this because I am, and everything I do is free, and I’m putting it there for people because they might like it or something.  But fuck, I mean, I’m getting fuck-all money out of this, like none, and I’ve got no editor or publisher, and no fucking sales and marketing team, so if people say vile shit then of course I read it and get upset.

I really don’t think any of that’s going to change any time soon.

Especially not the part that’s me and how I am.

And I really fucking hate that this is the only way to do this.  There’s no other way just to write, and have people read it, without setting yourself up for every horrible person to have a go at you too.  Or at least, risking it happening.

So I guess I need to work out how much the getting upset is going to fuck me up for real, and how much it’s worth it to do this.

Because until now people have been really nice, and kind, and I just thought that was how it was.  I mean, looking back, it’s all, yay, fucking sales numbers, good reviews, happy shit.

Which, by the way, I’m just so completely grateful to all of you for that, I can’t say.  Now I know how fucking awful people could have been being all along.

Because yeah, there’s this shit out there too.  Just horrible fucking people, being mean, and it just fucking sucks that the choice seems to be between getting so hardened that being loathed seems normal, or just stopping writing.  Because that’s fucking it.  There’s no-one going to protect you, and no way to stop cruel people reading what you write, and people like this, I honestly don’t think they get that I’m going to care, or they don’t give a shit if I do, and they also don’t get that if they chase everyone out by being sarcastic and shit then one day there’s suddenly nothing to read.

So yeah.

Anyway.

I’m sorry for all this.  For just pouring all this out.  It’s what’s going on, and I need to ask for help, and I’m also really upset.

And I really fucking need to sleep.  Because I haven’t.  Because of this.

So I’m hoping saying it puts that away.

So yeah, either way, just thank you if you can help with the reviews, and I’m really fucking sorry to just dump all this, but I really don’t know how I’m supposed to react to this kind of thing, now it’s turned out to be like this, but I’ll calm down and stop with the batshit in a bit.

And just thank you to everyone who’s nice, just for being nice.  And also thank you to everyone who fucking hates my writing and didn’t make a point of telling me.

Thank you to them especially.

4 thoughts on “Please Help If You Can

  1. Bleh. I’m so sorry.

    Don’t apologize. It’s scary and uncomfortable, having someone troll you. But trolls are trolls; there’s not a whole lot you can do about them any way, let alone in a review scenario — no way of knowing their IP, so no way of knowing who they are, and no real way of conversing with them.

    I didn’t see where the reviews were left — Amazon? I think there’s some sort of mechanism for reporting abusive reviews — and in the mean time, the rest of us can go over and offer other, more accurate assessments!

  2. Thank you! Just, thank you for the pep talk. And yes, you’re completely right, and I’m way overreacting, and thank you for stopping by to try and talk me down, and I’m really grateful that you did, even if I didn’t answer for ages.

    And yes, sorry I took so long to approve this too. I forgot it’s set so it holds everything, even if someone has before.

    So yeah, it was Amazon, and she seems to have gone on her way, and I really shouldn’t get so upset.

    But basically, I went on a giant sulk with the internets and ignored everything for days, so sorry.

    Just thank you for kindness, and for trying.

    Um, right. Deep breath. Now I feel a bit silly.

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