By request… um, kind of… FSM Tentacle Porn!

Don’t get too excited, future google searchy people, this is a joke…

I was standing on a cold, stony beach in England watching icy waves wash into the shore.  It was winter, and misty, and about to rain.  Far out to sea something dark was stirring, an ancient, brooding evil that overwhelmed me.

I was lost.  The world was lost.  The future was nothing but enslavement to terrible evil.

We had done our best, but failed.  We were but mortal.  Now it was too late.

* to do: add 80,000 word flashback here about fighting elder gods and losing *

Then, behind me, I felt the warmth and squiffiness of love.  I smelled a hint of garlic and tomato, and, relieved, I turned away from the darkness.

A warm slippery strand of pasta touched my face.  It stroked my hair back from my forehead, and tried to wipe away my tears.  This didn’t work especially well, as the pasta was damp with olive oil and more just made my eyeliner smear.  I appreciated the thought, though.  The pasta began slipping inside my clothes.  More followed, until I was entwined in fresh warm pasta and being caressed all over.

It was clammy, but nice.  Ish.

I was saved.  I was saved from the darkness.  I looked up, and saw the divine.

Also, there were olives in my hair and herbs down the back my neck.  I mean, the whole getting felt up by spaghetti thing was nice enough and everything, but I was really wondering how the fuck I was going to get the cheese and tomato stains out of my clothes…

I sound ungrateful.  I was safe, and the world was safe, and the price was only that I must serve my pastary beloved for all eternity.   And I suppose that’s what counts.

I had an odd taste of parmesan in the back of my mouth, though, which I suspected I would never be rid of.

Um, of course, if you like this, there’s also this one too….  just saying :)

6 thoughts on “By request… um, kind of… FSM Tentacle Porn!

Comments are closed.