Maybe I should write cookbooks instead! Or diet books!

So because I am in a hyper mood and not actually doing anything useful…  um, because of apples… um… seriously…

Anyways.  An idea!

So I was in an actual paper bookshop the other day, like one where actual paper books are.  If you remember those?  Like, the things which I would read if I actually did read because if I did they’d have to be paper because I don’t have a kindle…  and yes I know that’s slightly sad for someone who writes ebooks…  but never mind.

Anyways.  I was looking around and thinking how amazingly many cookbooks there are.  And not just “oh I’m a famous chef with a TV show here’s my book” ones, but all sorts of books.  So, so many books.  And also diet books.

And then I thought, I could write a diet cookbook!

Then I remembered I’m way too lazy to actually do that.  Like with all the organizey and test-cooking and all the rest.  And taking all the photos of food?  I mean, I can barely clean the shower or organize one photo for a book cover.  So no, actually I don’t think I will.

Because it’s so, so much easier just to be a diet guru!

Like, just by saying so here!

So I will!

And ta-dah, here’s my new diet I just invented…

Any time you want to snack, masturbate instead!

I think that would be the best weight-loss programme ever!  And it would actually work!  Probably!  Maybe!

Because mainly, it would be fun!  So you wouldn’t keep meaning to do the diet, but then actually not!  You would do it!

So that’s good!

And it might even be a good cardio workout too…  perhaps?   Like even if you don’t actually…  um…  move around very much.  Because cardio…  like your heart rate would be elevated, um, briefly, and I’m pretty sure all the healthy living messages are just “elevate your heart-rate for a little bit each day”.  Like nothing about how exactly you should do it…  and how exercisey you need to be….  so it would be good for cardio, maybe, if not actually building endurance or muscle tone or whatev!

So that’s good too!

Although actually, I guess if you just want to increase your heart-rare, you could maybe just watch horror films several times a day.  Or get people to shout “boo” at you unexpectedly.  Or eat chillies….  maybe one of those would be easier?

And actually, with the…  um…  diet…  I guess it might work better if you’re at home all day like me….  as in, you’d be better able to do this at home than if you sit at a desk in the middle of a busy office all day…  um…  that could be awkward….  or embarassing…  which might put you off your new diet.

But anyways, that’s my new guru diet!  I hope you’re all impressed!

Oh, also, /sarcasm probably….  sorry I forgot the tag at the start :)

Lazy and Apples and April (Why I haven’t written anything in ages)

Oh, and also, I know I went quiet again, and it started because dramas, but now its mostly just the mid-autumn seasonal-affective-disorder too-much-apple-sugar April glug.

I hope.  I assume.

Um, back soon, anyways.

And April-apple-glug because i just realized it happened last year too, so maybe its just me.  Which is a bit alarming, but never mind.

But nows I must go and write a thing for the other one.  And if you don’t know there’s another one, um…  read this first, but there is :)

Oh my, that google bomb actually worked!!!

So um, I just thought… because how I just went looking on here for my list of anti-trackery websites just now…

And no-one probably remembers this now, including me, but ages ago, like a year and a half ago, for no particular reason I put the words “midget elephant gerbil porn” into a post just to see if I could get it to show up on google.

And, um, apparently it did!

LIke the top result, at least for me, is now me!  Ha!

I really am quite proud.  Like, humbled, and flattered, and oh you, the internet, is so, so very kind.

Um, now everyone go click that over and over and really confuse everything!

Squee!

Literotica

So I put some stuff on literotica, really just to see.  Mostly because someone else on another blog said about it and I remembered!  And yep, I should have ages ago, but its just that their sign-up page the first time I looked anxietied me a bit because its kind of nosey.  Yes, like about the obvious things which I’m a little uncomfortable answering.  Because labels.  Because too specific.

So anyways.  I looked again and realized oh wait, actually, those aren’t required questions.  So maybe I should.

And then, because I was thinking that, I did!

So stories are here.

But just to say, these are all old!  Like, older stuff that is already on here, or is free ebooks on Smashwords.  So please don’t get excited!  It’s just to have things up in different places is all.  So there’s no real reason to go running off there, and this is mostly just saying in case anyone is on there, and suddenly sees it, so you know that it isn’t new stuff.  And also, basically, what is on there is a bit disorganised at the moment, so a mix of stuff from here and the other one, and shorter and longer, because I’ve no real idea what people like to read there.  Although it seems kind of way kinkier than I usually am, so it probably doesn’t matter! But mostly just kind of randomly chosen.  And at the moment comments and anonymous talking to me and everything is off, because, um…  well… its me…  But votes are on, because ego.  But I might maybe turn off the voting if that gets weird.  Maybe.

So anyways, that’s all. Just to say.

And yes, this was kind of a weird post.  Like, hi this is an announcement that there’s nothing to announce.  That, basically.

But also, if you just got here from literotica, um, hi and thank you and welcome!  Because it seems like some of you are turning up!  So that’s really kind, and thank you, and just to say clearly, because everything here is completely disorganized because reasons, um, gxg is here, bxg is here, and confessional-bdsm-whatever is here.

And thank you to the people who are looking!

Oh Um, the Other Thing…

Oh, wait.  Um.  The thing with graphic, filthy, bdsmy smut…  I just realized I forgot to say about that…

I am really, really not good at being organized.

Oops.  Sorry :)

So, a little while ago I started doing a thing.  To try.  And I kind of got embarrassed about it and didn’t want to say here at first, and then later on I wasn’t as embarrassed any more but, um, just kind of forgot.

So there’s another blog with stories on it.  Like separate from this.  For reasons.  Like writing down stuff and trying it out and for it not being as serious as this.  Except that now it is as serious, because I’m me, so I start things with no pressure and for fun and then get all earnest about them.  Like this.  So the idea was it wasn’t meant to be as rewritten and proof-read and everything, and was just going to be snippets of stuff.  To keep it fun, and so it would be quicker to write too, because for me proof-reading and tidying takes all the time.  And because a good url was free, so that too!

But maybe not so much now.  Maybe just more stories.

So I don’t know!

But anyways, I started a weirdo kind of true stories about me, kind of fantasies, kind of more bdsm than here story website page thing.

And yep, people have found it from here, but I still should have said properly for everyone else so I’m sorry for forgetting!

And um, also, to be really, really completely totally clear, so no-one gets a horrible surprise, this one is a bit different.

Like, trigger warnings, like all the triggery warnings.  Because this is stuff I’m writing down for me, so it might get a bit darker compared to here.  So if you think rough sex and tying people up is a bit ick, or aren’t that into spanking or ass-stuff or whatever else, then um, maybe best not?  Seriously.

And especially, there’s some stuff which absolutely might be triggery for people who had awful things happen to them, and I want to be really clear about that.  Like I’m sorry if awfulness happened to you, and that’s completely horrible, and I don’t want to bring it up, except that you might need to know about this.  Because um…  there is some iffy triggery-ish stuff here, like without going into why because of how that gives even me the ick sometimes and I just wrote it down, but there’s warnings on the pages at the top of anything like that, or anything else maybe a bit squick, so hopefully that’s enough.  And if it does end up getting in the way of anyone reading, um, say so, and I’ll maybe try and work out a way to blank that stuff out, like a tag that excludes those stories or something, like with clean here.

Um, anyways.  That.

So what I mean is that mostly what’s there is my rememberings and also my fantasies, basically.  And also there’s some other bits and pieces as well.  There’s a book which is being written slowly, and maybe very occasionally there’ll be stories there which just fit better there than anywhere else.

But it’s all a bit darker and more personal and probably a bit rougher than what’s usually on here.  Just to warn.

But um, here you go if that sounds interesting!

Afterthoughty Update:  Oh, um, same as it is here too, only look at these ones if you don’t want boys in your smut :)

Sometimes I Have A Slightly Surreal Life

So I just finished writing really graphic, filthy, bdsmy smut, and then I did the dishes.

Like not all the dishes, just the sticky pots and partner’s stupidly big wine glass which doesn’t fit properly in the dishwasher.  So it’s not like a huge chore or anything, but it’s still dishes.  Right after smut.  And for some reason that struck me as really quite weirdly surreal so I thought I’d share!

Um, I don’t completely know why surreal actually…  kind of something about because how I took off rubber gloves to sit down and type this?  And because I’m going to do laundry in a bit, and then vacuum and mop, probably, and while I do that I’m going to think about filthy smutty filth, and then maybe write it down later on?

Or maybe I’ll think about how to deal with an arranged marriage in a flying city, maybe that.  One or the other.  Who knows?

But maybe it’ll be smut.

Like, I really do spend a lot of time thinking dirty stuff while I do ordinary things.  Like more than normal people do, I assume, and way more then I used to before all the writery.

And it seems like there’s something about the gloves and mopping and dishes that probably isn’t quite what you’re all expecting either, that’s all.

So I thought I’d say!  And I did!

Um, stopping now :)

Forever Is a Long Time Apparently

So I was lying in bed this morning, holding onto partner, and basically being a nuisance stopping people who actually have to get up and go to work from actually, well, getting up.  Which I do because I like hugging people in the morning, all sleepy.  And I like how partner smells first thing in the morning, too, which is different to any other time.

So anyways, I hold on and hug and nuzzle sometimes.  Which I was today.  After the alarm phone clock thingy went off, but before any actual getting up.

Anyways, while doing that, half asleep, I said, “This is so nice, I could do this forever.”

And partner, being perhaps slightly too literal, said, “Well, not forever.”

So I said, “Yep, forever.  Until the stars dim and everything in the universe goes still and whatever it is which does that pulls all the matter in the universe apart from itself into nothing.  Until the sun expands and burns the world and then shrinks away again, so the world is a crispy cinder all darkly floating in dead empty space.  Until then, I’d lie here in the bed hugging you.”  ***

And partner, extremely unromantically I think says, “Yuk, that’s horrible.  And also, before then you’d need to pee.”

“But forever!” I say.

“Forever being bored.  With the universe not there.  And us burned to a crisp, apparently.”  And then also something about being late.

So I let go and partner gets up and that was that.

But I still think it was terribly romantic.

Footnotey *** bit: Or something like that.  I might have tidied this up slightly for betterness, but that was pretty much what I said.

Also, New Non-Wattpad Stuffs!

Some new non-wattpad things, just because!

More about Olivia and Josh and major sporting events, because, well, there were other major sporting events!

A flash story weirdness thing.

Also an experiment, kind of…  like first-person stuff which is a bit, um, truer…  so if you want an explanation, it’s here, otherwise, a story, a random thought, some fantasies, and also another one.

There you go!

 

 

Printer Ink!

So random real-life true story thingy.

So last night I was sitting on the floor leaning on the couch with the computer on my knees and kind of hunched and squinting at the screen, proof-reading.  Because I’m bad at proof-reading and slow at it, and don’t like it, and it’s boring, and so sometimes do it in front the TV.

As if that wasn’t obvious, from the quality of it haha.  And also as if it wasn’t obvious from how I post new stories late at night my time.

Anyways, I was doing that and partner said, “Why not just print it out and use a pen like a normal person.”

Or something like that, approximately.

And I said, “I’m a struggling writer.  I can’t afford to print things.”

Which I thought was kind of funny, so I’m telling you all my funny here.

And also, just because…

Ta-dah! A smarmy bit of social commentary masquerading as a SF infodump!

“In the early twenty-first century,” the rather pompous and dull teacher said.  “The global printer cartels had the world in a stranglehold.  Civilization was slowing, creativity was being stifled, all because of their greed.  Now this is an old, old story.  The railroads did it, too.  In this case we can be glad, because the loathing ordinary people felt for the despised printer cartels and their sordid tricks to sell more ink drove the tablet revolution in the early years of that century.  Because who can say, without this printer ink abuse, whether the dream of the paperless office would ever have been realized…”

The main character wasn’t really listening, and the teacher’s voice became a kind of  dull buzz.  So you don’t get it all repeated here, unlike a real old-school SF story where this scene would go on for pages and pages even though the pov character has zoned out, and would end with a rant about how public whipping reduces crime.

Of course, a real person would just avoid the class and the boring teacher and cut classes to smoke weed, but this is Real SF(trademarked) so even though there’s absolutely no reason for it, the main character feels strangely drawn to the teacher, like his wisdom and cleverness and valuable life lessons which will follow from being lectured to at great length by, well, a mediocre high-school teacher in an otherwise utterly average high school.  And this teacher will be remembered long after, even as the main character joins the space marines and fights aliens and saves the human race.  All because of this one afternoon in this one classroom.

I guess the future is different.  Or they use hypnosis and subliminal marketing in the classroom by then, or something.

Oh wait…  that’s probably how they recruit for the space marines, actually.

 

The Official Current Daily-Writing Book(s)

So just to explain in case anyone here isn’t over there and hasn’t noticed…

Um, I’m back on to doing books rather than short stories.  The stories were just, um, I don’t know actually…  because it suddenly just happened?  Because how I have less control over this whole thing than everyone seems to expect, and so on.  And because writing to a kind of daily deadline seems to actually work quite well, and makes me get stuff done, so if I can do one lot of 1000 words that way, why not try and do more?

So I will, at least until it gets too much and my brain explodes or something.  Even though these will be more “up to 1000 words”, like housemates was, rather than “at least a 1000 words” like Evie’s Job turned into.  Because I wondered if that’s why Evie’s Job got a bit long in places.

So anyways, these…

 

As Darkness Falls

This one I’ll do every day, but just to say again, it isn’t smut, so that maybe something you need to know.  A couple, one of which is an abuse survivor, consider revenge killing.  And the blurby…  When she was a child, Zoe was raped by her father.  Now, years later, he is being released from prison.  Zoe’s girlfriend Sara loves Zoe with all her heart.  She loves Zoe so completely that she would do anything for Zoe.  She would kill for Zoe if she had to.  And then Zoe actually asks her to.  She asks Sara to help her kill her father, and Sara realizes she could, that she is capable of it, and that she might be able to get away with it, too.

Um, this is just on Wattpad because doing daily updates is much, much easier than here :)

 

Love Letters that aren’t about Love

Which is trying to be every day, but sometimes takes slightly longer because it’s a bit tricker to write.  So a weird mix of a novel and short stories.   Emma writes Alyssa dirty emails that are usually stories, and tries to decide if she wants to have an affair.  This is the smuttiest of the current ones, just in case that matters to any of your perves :)

And this is on Wattpad because it has been for ages!

 

Islands in the Sky

SFF of some sort, probably fantasy, because there’s magic…  or is there, because it’s a dystopian future version of our world after a magical apocalypse, so perhaps what they all think is a magical disaster is actually a technological collapse and the myths about that… oh except how the world consists of islands of the earth’s crust floating three miles in the air…  no I don’t know which it is either.

On one island, Sema, a farm girl, watches as her family are killed by pirates. On another, in a city, a thousand miles to south, Cassa is about to marry a man she does not love because she doesn’t love men at all.

Although, to be honest, I just wrote the Cassa part of the blub for the sake of it because omg meeting each other and falling in love and all that stuff…  but I have no idea who Cassa is or why or whatever so yeah..  um…  we’ll see?  Once Sema’s more, um, immediate problems are dealt with…

Immeadiate problems like pirates and murder and starvation…   oh just go look, it’ll make sense then.

On Wattpad and also on here because I suspect Wattpad people who know me aren’t especially SF-ish and maybe people here are!   I’ll update the page here in chunks probably, like maybe weekly, unless lots of people suddenly start reading it…  so Wattpad is fresher, is what I mean.

 

The Debt Collectors War

Because SFF is overrun with books called “the something’s war” so I will too!  Ha!   Near-future SF, about mercenaries looking for a missing heir in the usual corporatey nation-less free-markety world.  One in which the Afghan war is still going on, but in which the US has collapsed because of a debt crisis and is being debt-collected on by private banks from China.  And also, this is the start of what was Edges of Empires, because I wanted to come back to that, just without the torturey end which everyone hated.  So, um, this will be redoing that, but with an actual story.  But I won’t add to this every day because trying to do three at once is probably enough, but it’ll keep going as I think of stuff.

Yep I know there should probably be an apostrophe.  It just looked bad on the cover :)

On Wattpad and also on here too.

 

 

So yep, that’s the plan for next little while!

And you’d get pictures of covers, except I still haven’t fixed that… um…

And also you can say book now.  That isn’t scary any more.  I think I said that before, actually.

And also, yep, this is a bit because the last post and whatever and looking around for something else to see if I can fit into that.  So time for a more serious go at SFF.   And also, yep, this mostly means probably no more short stuff here for a while, because this will get a bit busy, so maybe I’ll go quiet.  But there will be stuff, just not short stuff, so yay!

And because Love Letters is really short stuff anyway.

And last, also thank you for looking and caring and everything, too…  like I really appreciate it, even if I get sad and whiny and grumpy sometimes :)   So I’m not sure who’s just here and who’s on Wattpad too, and half the time it’s like “oh right, that’s you” when someone says, so, um, thank you.  I mean, if I haven’t yet or before or whatever…  like thank you heaps, to you personally, for looking at this and wanting to read stuff and being nice too.  So that’s all really…  just thank you, because I forget to say that enough :)

Okays, now I go and write some stuff :)